I want to post this entry that I wrote very late on Tuesday night. It's not for
you. Any of you, I mean, I'm not pointing out any of you specifically. It's for the people who don't get you. For the people who don't understand the point of an online friendship, the fact that it's not just textspeak and words on a screen and nitpicking Buffy episode 2.17 and chatrooms. It's not about paedophiles and perverts and creeps and stalkers and losers and socially inept weirdos.
Apart from the people who know, already, I haven't been telling anyone how I knew Sherrie. It's not shame, it's just the avoidance of that awkward moment where you realise you have to explain and they won't get it. And you can try, and they still won't get it. And you find yourself making excuses for it and trying to relate it to their 'normal' life and you can't, because if they haven't experienced it, they won't get it.
It's the part of me that wishes I had some kind of other sounding block apart from this journal. I keep thinking about getting a blog, a real one, I suppose, and putting... almost, articles on there. Formed essays. I'm posting this here, but you know all this. It's not for
you. You don't need to read it to know how important you are. To know that we lost a friend, not a penpal, not a website. I guess it's an ode to you guys, to Sherrie, too.
Circulate it, it you like it, if you agree with it. I'm going to put it on my MySpace and FaceBook, too. I'm not locking this. I know people from 'real life' sometimes browse my unlocked entries, for whatever reason, so read this
. I can count on one hand the people in 'real life' who mean as much to me, who get me, who know me as most of you do. ( Livejournal. It's like a diary that talks back to you.Collapse )
There's more I could write. I could say that I don't believe bonding over an exquisitely written episode of Buffy is any different to critically dissecting a play, or a poem, or a book. I think it's unfair that because something is on television it's less acceptable. Quote from books, you're a genius. Quote from Buffy, you're a loser. I wanted to use a different example there, than Buffy, but no. Buffy brought us together, introduced us to Sherrie. The reason we've stayed friends is because we appreciated the art of the show - the art of writing, the art of acting, the art of the pretty.
The intelligence, the realness, the way it just got
us. That's why we feel confident sharing music, books, films, shows, because we know we share that basic interest that can branch out in so many ways.
I've written this about Sherrie, for Sherrie, and that's why I haven't taken all of you into consideration here. I didn't bond with you all through Buffy. You're all important, you are, and I know you're awesome enough that you'll understand that right now, it's about Sherrie and those who loved her. The gist of my article, essay, whatever you want to call it, is about all of you. I wrote it because of Sherrie's death, but it's something I've been thinking about writing for a very long time, about my entire friends list, all 80+ of you. It's not intended to offend or sound judgemental or anything. It's just how I think.
I'm going to stop posting disclaimers and just hit the Post Entry button already.